A Very Vakarian Christmas
by Lost Triforce
Summary: Aluna Shepard and her husband Garrus host their first ever Christmas with their daughter along for the ride . Seems simple enough until the crew of the Normandy finally arrives. Then the real fun begins. Takes place four years after the destruction of the reapers. Rated for language. UPDATED
1. And So it Begins

**Hello People! So this fic series is a teensy bit experimental. I'm basically going to tell a story in backwards order. This would be the final installment of a four part series, and the 'prequels' that will follow would be the original stories. No worries! It still makes sense in this order, but some people will still be alive and some aspects that seem strange will be explained in this fic, or the fics that follow. As a final not before we start, yes, my Shep is African. PLEEEEASE no hate comments, it's not necessary! Since she is African, there will be short quips in French, but I'll always translate at the bottom. It's pretty self explanatory in this chapter, but it will get more 'busy' in the later chapters. So let's begin!**

****Chapter 1: And So It Begins…

"Mommy?"

A low groan was the only answer.

"Mommy?"

Little hands poked and prodded at their parent's side.

"Mommyyyyyyy!"

"What?"

"I'm hungwy. Make me some food."

"What's the magic word?"

"ummmmm, now bitch?"

In the dark of the large bedroom, a loud 'thunk!' reverberated off of the walls. The lights snapped on as a very pissed off and sleepy Aluna Shepard - now Aluna Vakarian - glared down at the hysterical turian on the floor.

"That's not funny Garrus! She only knows that kind of language because of you!"

"Riiiight," Garrus said after finally calming down and getting back into bed, "because Jack, Grunt, and Joker have nothing to do with it."

"_Zut alors_, Garrus."

Shepard sighed and climbed down from the bed, getting down to eye level with her daughter. Even in the dark Shepard could make out her features. She was the same dark brown tone as her mother. The same pouted lips adorned her face, green eyes framed by the thin veins of silver that wound through her face, disappearing by her temples. The metal lines wound down her neck to her arms and legs, hugging the bones of her fingers and toes, which had short, talon-like nails. Long black hair covered the slight protrusion of the arch that curved from one shoulder to the other- the tiny carapace the hybrid had been born with due to her half turian nature. The veins of steel on her body glittered like little tattoos in the darkness as her mother began to speak.

"Mercury Fury Vakarian, what did Mommy tell you about you using naughty words?"

Guilt ran over the turian-human hybrid's face.

"Naughty words are for naughty children?"

"aaaaand?"

"Naughty children get adopted by Krogan-vorcha people?"

"Good girl. Now let's go get you some food."

After defeating the reapers and having the now four year old Mercury (or 'Fury', as she preferred to be called her middle name), Shepard and Garrus decided to take a break from their lives of fighting the good fight, and left the military just long enough to make sure their daughter had a solid ground to stand on. In the mean time, the Alliance military set them up with a very nice home just outside the Citadel on Bekenstein.

The same mansion that once belonged to Donovan Hock.

Shepard was apprehensive at first and immediately asked Kasumi what she thought of it. Kasumi took no time in telling her that no one deserved the home more, and that she would work on 'buying' her some artwork to put in the gallery, as everything that used to adorn the space had been confiscated by Alliance Command.

The home on Bekenstein was not the only home Shepard and Garrus owned. A mansion overlooking a lake was given to her on Thessia for her actions during the war, Palaven control permanently reserved the penthouse in their finest hotel, as did Illium with Azure. Even Tuchanka, Sur'Kesh, and Kahje were willing to reserve homes for her. More touching than that however, were the buildings that adorned her and her crew's names. Huerta Memorial was now Krios Memorial, The Monastery on Lessus now adorned both Shepard and Samara's names, and best of all, a blooming city on Rannoch bore the name Aluna'Zorah, as well as its sister city Legion. Even one of the female camps of Tuchanka was renamed Solusara. It was more than any of them could've asked for

.  
In the downstairs area of the large house, a figure in a glowing holo-chair sat reading a datapad, humming to himself.

"Drell and krogan offspring have a tendency toward violence and da di da dum di da dum di da da dum doo doo doo..."

"HI UNCLE MORDIE!"

Fury took no time in flinging herself over the aging geneticist and situating herself in his lap.

"Good morning, Fury. Would suggest lowering voice. Parents are probably still sleeping at this hour."

"S'alright Mordin, I'm awake. Little punk needs me to get her Blasto Flakes."

Mordin had been running tests early one morning when everything suddenly went black. Upon waking up in a hospital he was told he had only a year left to live. With no family left after the war, he made a decision that surprised even himself:

He called Shepard.

She was more than happy to allow him to stay with them for the remainder of his time, and he was instrumental in keeping Fury's health in check, as she had been sickly since birth. Eight months had passed since his joining the Vakarian family, and he was now holo-chair bound, but still a great help.

"Mommy, I could get Bwasto Fwakes on my own. Can't you cook?"

Shepard groaned but obliged, pulling out a pan and eggs.

"Would you like assistance, Shepard? Could make bacon or sausage?"

"Nah, I got it, Mordin. Just keep her entertained, merci."

Mordin happily obliged, spinning in the holo-chair until they were both blissfully dizzy.

"Mommy, who's coming today?"

Shepard smiled as she plated breakfast for the four of them. She had invited all of her friends and crew mates over to celebrate Christmas. There was more than enough room to house those who wanted to stay, and Bekenstein boasted some of the nicest hotels in council space for those who wanted more privacy. Most of her friends agreed, with very few exceptions:

Jacob wanted to stay home with Brie and their son Jarred for the holidays, Kelly had just reunited with her family, Ken and Gabby wanted to spend their first Christmas as a married couple alone, Chakwas was ill and not up for travelling, and Traynor and Steve already made plans.

Other than that, the rest of the crew seemed eager. James hadn't been able to do much since his induction into the N7 program and was happy to join in the festivities, Joker was boasting a new girlfriend since EDI's passing, Zaeed had a few new war stories to share, Kolyat was interested in the human custom, Tali had some huge announcement to make and agreed to come, Jack was always willing to cause trouble, Kasumi went wherever James went while he was on leave after they announced they were dating, Grunt and Wrex simply wanted to taint Fury's mind, Miranda and her sister were also living on Bekenstein and agreed to come, Kaidan was game for anything, and Liara, Samara, and Falere were more than willing to join in the fun. There was a lot to be done as far as decorating went, but all the guests agreed to help. Today, the first few people were on their way.

"Miranda and Oriana are coming today. So are Tali, Jack, Zaeed and Joker. My asari friends will come tomorrow as well as Kaidan and James. _Pourqoui_?"

"_Parce que_ I wanna know who's coming!"

Shepard shook her head at her over eager daughter just as Garrus entered the room.

"Oh now you're awake!"Shepard grumbled.

"I smelled food. My man instincts told me I should wake up and find the food."

"Yeah, well my woman instincts are telling me to break a foot off in your steely ass"

"Oh NOW who's teaching our daughter foul language?"

"Shut up Garrus."

Shepard dealt out the levo and dextro food accordingly and left to go take a shower, asking that Garrus make sure he and Fury did the same. They had only two hours before the first guests would arrive, and everything needed to be in order.

Not that all hell wasn't going to break loose anyway.

**And so it begins indeed! This chapter will probably be the shortest. The French in order is 'gosh darn it' 'why' and 'because' in case you didn't know. I'm open to requests and of course, PLEASE review! I hope to have this completed by Christmas (fingers crossed!)**


	2. Icy Inlaws

Shepard sighed at her reflection, unsure if she felt awesome or stupid. To match Fury, she wore a strapless, short, sparkly red dress with white fur trim at the top and bottom, white stockings, and spiky black heels. Her long black hair was tied into a sleek high pony tail with a red bow, giving her an almost childlike appearance. Before she could sigh again, Garrus and Fury entered the rom.

Fury's outfit and hair were identical, but she wore a green and red striped shirt under her dress, and her shoes were flat with gold bells on top. In solidarity, Garrus wore red and white civilian clothes.

"So?" Shepard asked, once again bending down to Fury's level. "How does your _maman_ look?"

"Beautiful! But you forgot something."

"_Qu'est-ce que ta mère a oublié_?"

"Your colony markings, silly!"

Shepard smiled brightly as Fury procured a jar of dark blue face paint and drew on her own markings. Even as a small child Fury seemed to be gifted with painting, but even Shepard wasn't sure how much so. Her hands moved delicately across her little face to recreate her markings. She didn't even seem to notice Garrus kneel down with her in the mirror as she finished her creation. Blue paint danced across her cheeks and nose, mingling together with the thin lines of metal which adorned her face since birth.  
Fury turned promptly to face her father after completing her human-version of the markings. The markings coupled with the metal veins in her face gave of the appearance of a delicate venetian mask.

"How do I look?"  
"Perfect. When Solana, Granddad and Grandma see them today they'll be ecstatic."

"EEP!"

Shepard, who had been working on her own colony markings, nearly poked her eye out with the brush at this.

"Solana? Archeas? Mazia? All coming? Today?!"

"I told you I invited them! You said it was ok!"

"_Merde_, Garrus, I forgot!"

"Shepard! Fury's here!"

"She doesn't know what it means!"

"Yes I do!" Fury interjected, bouncing around her parents, blissfully unaware of their argument. "It means poopy! Like the stuff that comes out of your-"

"Thank you sweetie, I'm so glad you're learning," Shepard sighed, annoyed.

"Shepard I told you a month ago while we were still on Thessia that my parents were coming. Remember? It was the same day Fury had the last of her blood work done?"  
Shepard groaned as she remembered. The makeshift family of four usually stayed on Thessia, where Asari doctors, Mordin, and occasionally Miranda took care of Fury's fluctuating health. It seemed that her half turian half human DNA caused quite a few issues as she developed, meaning she was constantly in need of medical attention. Needing more space than their lake home would offer to throw the Christmas gathering, Shepard and Garrus returned to Bekenstein, where they normally stayed when they had need to be on the Citadel. The night before they left, Garrus had indeed requested that his parents and sister join them for the holidays.

"Ok," Shepard said, finishing her colony marks and gathering herself, "when will they be here?"

As if to make Shepard's life more difficult, the door bell rang.

"Are you joking? NOW?!"

All three of them ran downstairs and through the glowing halls of the mansion just in time to see Mordin open the door for-

"About bloody time we meet again, Shepard."

"Pops!"

In the doorway of the lush mansion stood Zaeed, clad in loose fitting blue jeans and a grey sweater. It was strange to see him wearing anything but his armor, and even stranger to see him smiling so genuinely.

"Pops?" Fury asked from behind Garrus's leg- her favorite hiding spot second only to her mother's legs."As in Daddy?"

Shepard let Zaeed out of the death grip hug she held him in and picked Fury up, bringing her over to introduce the two.

"Yea, kinda. He's old and gives me advice on life all the time, so I took to calling him Pops. You probably don't remember him, you were _très petite_ when you met him."

Fury looked at Zaeed with analytical eyes as determined and appropriate greeting. Zaeed returned her curious stare with an awkward smile.

"I like your scars!"

Zaeed laughed carelessly at Fury and messed her hair.

"Tell you what, when you're older I'll tell you how I got them."

Shepard scarcely had time to let Zaeed settle in on the couch before the doorbell rang again. This time, it was exactly who she feared it was.

"Hey Dad," Garrus muttered anxiously, searching the open doorway for any sign of his mother or sister. "Where are the others?"

"At the car getting the presents for this human custom. That's how it works, isn't it? We present each other with gifts before going our separate ways?"

"Well yes, but there are a few specifics that have to be obser-"

"Pwesents?" Fury interjected. "But I thought Santa brought the pwesents?"

Fury's face screamed of misery and let down at the premise of Santa not existing, and this truly irritated Shepard.

"He does, sweetie," Shepard muttered through gritted teeth, pointedly glaring at Archeas Vakarian, "but that doesn't mean we don't get each other presents."

"Oh! Ok!"

Fury seemed relieved to hear her jolly arctic idol was indeed still coming, and at this Shepard could relax. The tension in the room grew as Archeas took notice of Zaeed.

"You're a familiar face," Archeas grumbled, "Blue suns affiliated, yes? Never cared much for mercenaries, no accountability in their conduct."

"Well I wike him. And my word is final!"

Fury promptly took her place on Zaeed's lap, arms crossed firmly over her chest. The motion caused red sparkles to fly everywhere, catching the elder turian's attention.

"What exactly are you wearing? It clashes terribly with our colony markings."

The question was aimed at Shepard, not Fury. Aluna felt her cheeks grow hot as she realized how stupid she must look in her Christmas get up to a turian. Or to anyone really.

"Shoot, I think they look adorable."

Standing behind her father, arms crossed in defiance was Solana Vakarian, dressed in a dark green dress that strongly resembled an evergreen tree. The allusion was made stronger by her bulb-shaped mandible clips- the turian equivalent to earrings.

"Solana! I don't appreciate-"

"And they're just as much her colony markings as they are ours."

"Solana I simply-"

"Mom needs your help with some of larger presents. Like now."

Archeas looked agitated but, complied, leaving the house as Solana pointedly shut the door behind him.

"And once again, your baby sister sweeps in and saves your scaly hide. Well? Where's the gratitude? You could at least curtsy!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, let me go get my too-too and I'll do that for you."

Rolling her eyes, Solana crossed the room, grabbing Garrus into a rough hug, squealing as her spun her in a circle. Shepard was quick to embrace her next, thankful that she had come in time to break up the impending argument.

"Sorry 'bout my dad, Shepard, he can be so hard headed at times. He really does like you."

"I know," Shepard sighed, releasing Solana, "and thanks for coming, Fury really needs to meet the rest of her family."

Having heard her name, Fury looked up from her perch on Zaeed's lap. She had somehow procured a sharpie marker, and had drawn circles all over Zaeed's face and arms.  
"Mercury Fury! _Qu'est-ce que tu as fais_?!"

"I'm circowing all the scars I want Gwandpa to tell me about!"

"Grandpa?"

"Yea! If you call him 'Pops' then that makes him my Gwandpa!"

"Fury, I don't think that's-"

"It's all right, Shepard," Muttered Zaeed in a soft voice.

Shepard was surprised at his tone, only ever having heard him speak the same way when he told her about laying his prized rifle, Jessie, to rest. She then realized that he would never have children of his own, and that maybe having someone to call him 'Grandpa' meant a lot to him.

Zaeed left to wash off the sharpie (Mordin rattling off the best soaps for removing permanent marker), leaving Fury to curiously make her way over to her mother and Solana.  
Whereas Fury could see the apprehension to speak to Archeas, they clearly liked Solana, getting rid of some of her nerves to meet another turian like her father. She feared meeting new turians greatly, always worrying that her hybrid nature would disturb or upset them. She spent most of her life as a baby around her parents and asari, and took to hiding behind her mother's leg or crying in her arms whenever an unfamiliar species or a turian was around. Even now as Solana kneeled with her arms spread wide for a hug, her mother's long legs served as protection.

"Aww, come on! I know I've got these sharp teeth, but I don't bite! It's your Auntie Solana!"

"Actually, older members of turian families known to nip at faces of younger ones. Similar to unpleasant practice of human cheek pinching." Mordin chimed.

Fury squeezed harder on Shepard's leg, refusing to move.

"Gee Mordin," Shepard grumbled, "thanks."

"Always here to help."

"Come on, silly!" Solana cried. "It's me! I met you when you were a baby! What did your mom call me? _Ta tante_?"

Fury's ears perked up at the familiar language, poking her head out from behind her white stocking clad shield.

"You... Speak Fwench?"

Solana's mandibles fluttered, portraying her happiness at this breakthrough.

"I sure don't! I only know what your mom taught me."

"Weally?"

"Uh-huh"

"Did she teach you _merde_?"

"Mercury Fury!"

Solana laughed at Shepard's frustration as Fury finally rushed over to hug Solana just as Archeas returned. Mazia, Garrus' mother, was not far behind.

"Hello family!"

Mazia Vakarian was a frail turian, her rare genetic disease having ravaged her body. It was unclear how much longer she would have to live, and therefore every moment with her family was a blessing. Unlike her husband, Mazia took an immediate liking to Shepard and trusted her implicitly.

At the moment, both of Garrus' parents were juggling large, beautifully wrapped presents.

"How did you know to wrap them? And oh, Mrs. Vakarian! Your dress is gorgeous!"

And indeed it was. While Solana's dress was knee length, Mazia's dress had long sleeved and draped down to the floor. It was an almost florescent white, covered in sparkles and framed with fur trim.

Garrus raised a brow plate at his father, deciding whether or not to call him out for ridiculing Shepard for wearing an almost identical dress.

"Thank you, dearie. And please, it's 'mom' to you. Oh! Look at my little grandbaby! Oh she's so precious!"

Mazia didn't even give Fury time to hide behind her mother before scooping her up and squishing her.

"Hi...Gwan...dma!"

"Mom," Garrus muttered, dreading the question he had to ask, "You didn't tell me whether or not you'd be staying with us..."

"I'm staying," Solana piped up, "Mom and Dad read about some fancy schmancy hotel in town and they're staying there. Hope you don't mind."

"No, no, that's perfect. We don't know how many people are even coming, some people are having friends come with them."

"That reminds me," Archeas said, clearing his throat. "Our check in time is twenty minutes from now. We aren't exactly sure how to get there."

"Can take you. Know area very well from traveling with Shepard."

Archeas perked up at Mordin's offer. He set the mountain of presents down and shook Mordin's hand, mandibles raised in a sort of smirk.

"Professor Mordin Solus, STG. Finally, a respectable face. Yes, we should head out immediately. Mazia?"

"Coming!" Mazia sang, planting her one hundredth kiss on Fury before leaving.

"We'll probably return for dinner, if not tomorrow. We need time to get Mazia settled in. I'll send you a message when we know."

As the door to the mansion closed behind Mordin's holochair, the tension in the room lifted immediately. Fury looked a bit shaken after being attacked with love from a woman she had only met twice as a baby.

Shepard collapsed against the door, looking relieved to finally be rid of the elder Vakarians.

"They'll get better over time, Shepard, trust me."

"Thanks, Solana. Hey, your mother never answered my question. How'd you guys know about the presents and what to wear and all that?"

Solana laughed, rearranging the presents so they were neatly stacked against the walls.

"As soon as Garrus invited us we got to work on researching your little holiday. Mom seems borderline obsessed. Dad… wasn't as receptive…"

"Sure seems that way."

Zaeed stretched his muscles, standing up from the couch and yawning.

"Well that was bloody good fun."

"Thank you Zaeed, your sarcasm helps a lot."

"I'm glad. I'll move my bags up to my room while you three deal with the rest of the guests. Just send the Navpoint, Shep."

Not a moment after Shepard had sent the coordinates of the room from her Omni-tool to Zaeed's did she received a message from Mordin.

[_Shepard, quarian vessel inbound_]

**And there you have it, folks! Thank you so much for the review and for reading the first two chapter! Please continue to read and review! French in order: 'mommy', 'what has your mother forgotten?', 'shit!', 'very little', 'what have you done?', 'your aunt', and 'shit?'. Once again, please review, and if there's something you want to see happen, I'm open for suggestions! =)**


	3. While You Were Sleeping

**Hey, guys! Ok this will be the last chapter Garrus and Shepard will spend standing at the door, I promise. Next chapter everyone shows up in a more fluid way, not one after the other. Anyway, thank you SO much for the kind words and follows/favorites! **

Decontamination systems all over the house went off, leaving the room with a slight hospital smell before the air filters kicked back in.

Shepard rolled her eyes as again her legs served as a shield for Fury.

"You've never met Tali. She's really sweet, Fury, I'm sure you'll like her."

"Is she an asawi?" Fury asked hopefully.

"No, she's a quarian. You've never seen one before."

"It'll be ok," Garrus soothed, "she's only slightly uglier than my sister."

"Wow, bro. I may have to kill you for that."

"Try me."

"Sure just let me get my missiles.

You seem to enjoy taking those to the face, so it should be a pleasant death for you!"

Fury seemed reassured and began to remove herself from her mother's limbs, but she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of two people seemingly mummified by machinery and tubes.

"Shepard!"

"Tali! It's been WAY too long."

Tali spent most of her time on Rannoch, toiling away, helping build cities and develop an agricultural system. She'd met with Shepard only once after London, and never got to see Fury.

"Kal? Kal'Reeger is that you?"

"'Fraid so, ma'am. I'm crashing your little party."

"Is that all right, Shepard?" Tali asked, releasing Solana from a hug, "I had a feeling this wouldn't be totally formal."

"Yea, we figured people would bring friends. As long as no one brings a baby, we'll be fine. My two are enough."

"Two?"

"Yea, Fury and her father."

While everyone laughed at Garrus's expense, Fury clung on tighter to Shepard's legs, fearing she would be the next subject of their conversation.

"Shepard," Tali asked quietly, "D'you mind if we...uh...you know." Tali tapped at her mask awkwardly.

"Oh! Yea! Mordin set up a console at the door for you to put them on."

New technology gifted by the geth allowed quarians to no longer need their suits on the home world. There were still some kinks that needed to be worked out, but within a few years, the suits would be obsolete. For now, quarians found that they had adapted enough to have their heads and arms uncovered almost anywhere, and only have to brave a slight cold.

Tali and Kal had now removed their helmets and sleeves, revealing their faces. Shepard had seen Tali unmasked before, but never completely without her helmet. Her slanted, glowing eyes were familiar, her purple tinted skin and wire-adorned face were as well. Shepard had never seen her black, wavy hair flow free from her hood, though, and it came as quite a shock. Kal's skin held a grayer hue, and his facial features were very strong, from his jaw to his nose. He, too, had black hair, his being much shorter, and messier.

"Don't recognize me, Shepard? I know, I'm so ugly without the mask."

"You're beautiful!"

The cry came from Fury, of all people, who ran up to Tali and stood staring in awe.

"You look wike an asawi and a human! _But... You're_... PURPLE! THAT'S SO COOL!"

Tali laughed and squished Fury into a hug, happy to meet Shepard's little one for the first time.

"So Tali..." Garrus hummed. "What's this big surprise you wanted to tell everyone? Geth taken over again?"

"Not funny Garrus. Well...we were going to wait until everyone got here but... I suppose we could tell you now."

Tali looked up at Kal and smiled, glowing.

"We're getting married!"

"WHAT!?"

Tali could've quite possibly died from the impact of getting tackled to the floor by two and a half turians and a human.

"Keelah, Shepard, don't kill me!"

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?! When did this happen? How?!"

Tali opened her mouth to answer, but instead of words coming out, the sound of the doorbell filled the room. Since Kal was the only one fully composed after being attacked, he opened the door, revealing two almost identical looking women.

"Oriana! Miranda! Hey! _OH MON DIEU_, MIRANDA!"

And Shepard had reason to shout. As the entered it was very clear to her that Miranda was pregnant. The bump was slight, indicating that she was probably only 3 or 4 months along, but she was indeed carrying a little one.

"Who? When?! How?!"

Miranda chuckled, blushing almost the same color red as Shepard's dress.

"Do we know him?"

"Well..." she muttered, shuffling her feet. "Yes actually. I was going to tell you, but we almost always meet for business... And we thought it was just a fling so..."

"Spit it out Miranda!"

"...Kaidan Alenko."

Jaws dropped. The entire room was dead silent. Then little wheels in Shepard's head started turning again, bringing up a nagging question.

"Wait a minute, the files in the Shadow Broker's lab said you couldn't have children."

"I couldn't," Miranda confimed, "But when Cerberus fell, the Alliance trusted Liara T'soni and I to sort through the Illusive Man's files and transfer what ever we thought they'd want to see over. Liara was allowed to keep the rest. She sent me a gift, however, out of the data we kept - details from Project Lazarus. More specifically, how we rebuilt your womb. I toyed with the idea for a while, but finally decided it was what I wanted. So on one of our trips to Thessia to check on Fury, I had the doctors there perform the operation, and so, here we are."

"Well that's great, but it still doesn't explain you and Alenko. When did that happen?"

Miranda had been ushered to the couch at this point, Fury sitting next to her, leaning on her arm. Miranda had been there to keep an eye on her since her birth, and therefore warranted no fear from Fury.

"Again, It all goes back to Thessia and the end of the war. He was there to check on you after the Crucible incident, and we passed each other in the hallway. We started talking, then seeing each other... One thing led to another and..."

"And now you've totally taken all the attention! My marriage to Kal was supposed to be the big announcement!"

"What?!"

Miranda, Oriana, and Tali started a playful argument over whose surprise was better as they and Kal headed off to put their luggage in their respective rooms. Solana decided it was time she put her things up as well just as Garrus received a message from his father.

"The excitement is getting to Mom, she needs to rest. They won't be coming back until tomorrow afternoon when the rest of our friends show up."

"Is it bad that I'm relieved? I love your mother and sister, and I know your father at least kinda likes me... But he really doesn't like to show it."

"He still has that human-turian thing going on. I don't get it either."

"Oh well. At least everyone's getting settled and Mordin will be home soon."

Fury jumped off the couch and bounced around her mother.

"I wike your friends, Mommy. They're weally cool."

"I'm glad sweetheart. And it looks like you'll have a little friend to play with, too, pretty soon."

"Meh, babies are bowing. Mommy when is Auntie Ara coming?!" she whined, tugging at her mother's arm. "I wanna see Auntie Ara!"

"Liara is coming tomorrow sweetie, I told you!" Shepard cooed, attempting to detach her from her arm.

Fury plopped on the floor at the news, letting out a loud "awwwwww!"

"Fury, quit acting up, you're upsetting your mother."

"Sowwie Daddy."

For what seemed like the one millionth time that day, the door bell rang, setting Shepard's nerves on edge.

"Who's left?" She whispered to herself, running through the guest list in her head as she reached for the door.

As the door slid open, Shepard found herself face to face with a set of red and orange swirling eyes. She took a step back and was shocked to see a gold, turquoise, and red scaled Drell woman standing beside a very smug Joker. There was no denying her almost ethereal beauty. Her dress was loose and sheathe like, the cream color making her gold scales shimmer in the sunlight.

"Oh my god..." Shepard mumured, catching the eyes of the drell again. "Sunset eyes defiant in-"

"The scope."

The voice that emitted from her blue lips matched her appearance perfectly. It had the same gritty undertone all drell seemed to share, but it was also airy and almost ghost like.

"But...you couldn't be... Irikah-"

"Irikah Krios was my sister. My name is Irenah. Do not think that I despise Thane or, by extension, you, for what happened to my eldest sibling. I am at peace with her passing, Shepard. Please, may we come in? It's freezing out here."

"What? Oh! Come in!"

Joker seemed rather confused at the exchange, but shrugged it off, swaggering into the mansion with an arm around Irenah.

"Wow, you look great, gimpy! The new corrective surgery did wonders, huh?"

Joker shrugged, letting out a noncommittal hum.

"Sure, I'm at least standing upright now, but my shoulders are still uneven. And don't get me started on my bad knee. I look like I'm preparing to audition for Igor."

"Still whining, I see, ey Joker?"

"Still got that stick up your ass, ey Garrus?"

"Jeff!" Irenah scolded. "There's a child here!"

Joker grinned at Fury, who returned his gaze with an eager smile. Fury had spoken to joker several times by phone in the past, but had never met him face to face. Shepard began monitoring their chats after Fury repeated a rather unsavory quip about the asari that Joker had told her.

"Hi Mr. M'roe!" She squealed, running in circles around the pilot.

"Heeey, kid. Did I ever tell you the one about the human, the salarian, the turian, and the asari?"

"Jokeeeeeer."

"Yes, sweetie."

"Speaking of pet names," Shepard inquired, "how did you two meet?"

Irenah smiled and wrapped her arms around Joker's waist, nuzzling his shoulder as she waited to hear him recount their story.

"It was four months ago yesterday, actually. I went to Krios Memorial to have the new surgery done and was stuck in bed for two weeks. Then Irenah shows up-"

"Then I come in to have my lungs checked and I see him moaning and groaning about the pain in a hospital bed. I felt so bad for the poor thing, I just had to keep him company. Then when he started getting better he refused to see me unless he was in a bed. He thought I'd leave him if I found out. Funny thing is, quite a few Drell suffer from similar symptoms of Vrolik's if they don't stay active after being diagnosed with Kepral's, so I'm used to it. Then he checked out of the hospital, and we stayed in contact, and we've been dating ever since."

Everyone stared blankly at Irenah after her rapid fire explanation of Joker and her relationship, unsure of what to say.

"I have to tell the story. Otherwise he makes up some ridiculous tale about saving me from being assassinated, or catching me after falling off a building or something."

"Gee, thanks honey. I'll remember that the next time you ask me to leave the toilet seat down."

"Sure thing, love."

As Joker and Irenah dropped off their gifts and headed off to their hotel, the doorbell rang for the final time that day.

"Well well well, subject zero. We meet again..."

"Can it and let me in Shepard! It's fucking freezing out here!"

"JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

Jack barely put a foot in the door before being jumped by Fury.

"Hey, ya little brat! I actually missed you!"

Fury helped Jack up, grinning from ear to ear. Jack had been to see Shepard recently to talk about the biotic program at Grissom Academy, and ended up meeting Fury. The two bonded over all of Jack's G-rated illegal endeavors and embarrassing stories of Shepard's Normandy sleepover confessions.

"Gotta get all my junk upstairs, Shep. Anyone here I should watch out for?"

"Well," Shepard sighed, "Miranda and her sister are here. And she's pregnant, so play nice."

"The Ex-Cerberus cheerleader is pregnant?! Ha! This'll be good!"

Before Shepard could protest, Jack made for the stairs With her things, leaving her alone with her husband and daughter once again.

"Wow. Seems like yesterday I met everyone. Now they're all getting married and having children and building homes... It's so strange."

"I know," Garrus said, wrapping his arms around Shepard.

"But just think, that was us once, too. And now look at us! Married with a little runt of our own."

"I am NOT a wunt! Jack says I'm a wesult of over-calibwating!"

Shepard doubled over, laughing, tearing up as Garrus's mandibles turned blue.

"And now we're throwing a holiday party," Shepard said after finally calming down.

"Goodness, what have we gotten into?"

**All righty then! I've actually been planning for Kal to be in this since the beginning, so I was happy to see that someone wanted to see him return! The French was just 'OH MY GOD' this time. Also, to the few French-speaking readers I have, if you see me flub up, feel free to let me know, but I won't use inversions for questions, it's too awkward. Anyway, thanks for reading! Please review!**


	4. Blowing Down the Doors

**Had to cut this one a bit short to keep the updates comin'. Thank you SO much for all the faves/follows, it's the most I've ever gotten! Anyway, on with the show!**

Day two of Shepard's Christmas gathering seemed promising enough. Wrex and Grunt would arrive late in the evening, James and Kasumi were due to be there just before breakfast, Kolyat would show up whenever, Kaidan was scheduled to be there sometime that morning, and Liara, Falere, and Samara would be there by noon.

In the mean time, Shepard left Mordin and Garrus to start breakfast while she woke everyone up. The closest room to her own was Fury's, whom she found knocked out on the floor after apparently having rolled off of her bed.

"Come on sweet heart, time to get up."

Fury rubbed at her eyes sleepily, rocking slightly as she stood up. Both she and Shepard were in footie pajamas of all things, adorned with hanar and elcor wearing Santa hats.

"Auntie Ara coming today?" She asked, half dead as she swayed on her feet.

"Yup, Miss Falere and Samara are, too."

"YAAAAAAAAY!"

And suddenly there was nothing sleepy about her as she rushed out of the room to wait for her blue companion.

Shepard chuckled, moving down to the next bedroom to wake up her first house guest. On the door 'Solana' was hung up in cursive, designed and colored to look like a twisted candy cane. As she opened the door and called "wake up, sis!" she found herself with a mouth full of pillow.

"Be down in a minute," Solana slurred, pulling a second pillow over her head to block out the light from the hall.

Shepard shook off the loose feathers in her hair and moved on to the next door. This time 'Zaeed' adorned the door, shaped like an evergreen tree. Shepard was relieved to find him already awake and dressed in a white sweater and jeans, pulling on a watch.

"Mornin' Shepard. I'm on my way downstairs."

"Awesome. Wanna help me wake up Jack?"

"Hell no. Good luck though, you're gonna need it."

Shepard sighed as Zaeed passed her, dreading the task of waking Jack. As luck would have it, the next door read "Tali & Kal" in snowflake handwriting.

"Wake up, love birds!"

Both of them groaned, but got up and stretched, humming their good mornings.

The next door had 'Jack' written in black licorice font, and Shepard groaned as she opened the door.

Before she could even get a word out, biotics shoved her to the ground and the door shut in her face.

"Good morning to you, too."

Miranda and Oriana's rooms were next, but both were already up and getting dressed. Joker and Irenah were sound asleep when Shepard entered, but gave her no trouble when she woke them up.

With the guests taken care of and breakfast cooking, Shepard could focus on getting Fury and herself dressed.

Upon entering her bathroom she found Fury, already showered and in her shimmering gold dress and playing in Shepard's makeup.

"What are you up to?"

Fury put down the mascara she was holding and refused to turn around.

"Fury, _regardez moi_."

Fury turned reluctantly to face her mother, looking guilty. She had expertly done her face up, white and red shimmering eyeliner creating candy canes on her eyes, white mascara creating a snowy effect, and white sparkles decorated her colony markings.

"Mommy?" Fury muttered, deeply intimidated by Shepard's stern gaze. "I-"

"Forgot the blush."

Shepard knelt down and properly finished of her daughter's masterpiece, smiling.

"Just ask Mommy next time, okay?"

"Okay."

"Will you do Mommy's markings when she gets out of the shower?"

Fury smiled up at her mother, nodding as she let out a cheerful "mm-hmm!" and set to work on pulling on her red tights.

Shepard took a brief shower before pulling on her own gold dress and stockings. While Fury's dress had short sleeves a a poofy tulle skirt, Shepard's dress was skin tight and covered only what was necessary and had no sleeves at all. Shepard also opted for sheer maroon stockings instead of bright red tights.

"You look...edible."

The low rumbling compliment came from Garrus, who had entered the bathroom to let Shepad know breakfast was ready.

"Ewwwww, Daddy that's icky!"

"Oh hush, how do you think you got here?"

"A birdie?"

"Keep dreamin'."

Shepard rolled her eyes at the two as she finished curling her long black hair and applying gold and red eyeshadow.

"We'll be down in a minute, Garr', she has to do my markings."

"Speaking of which, is she wearing makeup?"

"Out with you!"

As Garrus left the bathroom and Fury set to work cleaning her brush off for Shepard's markings, voices could be heard from just below the open bathroom window.

"So then I realize I'm all outta bullets and I got this Krogan comin' for me, so I drop the gun and run straight at him, and I'm all like 'FALCON PUUUUUUNCH!'. You ever punch a full-grown krogan in the face? Not pleasant. Took care of things though. And now here I am."

"Impressive. Not many people fight krogan in close quarters combat and live to tell the tale. I'm impressed."

"Yeah, well, you know. So what have you been up to, Shades? Stealing as usual?"

"Oh sure, I've been on a couple heists since you left, but mostly I've been working with Jondum Bau. Turns out there are a few covert operations my...erm... Talents come in handy with. So while you've been off playing N7, I've been promoted to honorary spectre status!"

"...I hate you Shades."

"No, you love me, you just hate anything that threatens your 'macho man' status."

"...Whatever. Hey what's taking Lola so long? Think she heard the bell? S'freezin' out here."

"Oh she knows we're here. She's been listening to our banter from Hock's master bathroom this whole time."

"What?"

Shepard, now fully dressed and marked, scooped Fury up and leapt out of the window, using her biotics to cushion the fall.

"Hey, Shep, Merry Christmas! And nice dress! I may just have to steal it..."

"Hey Kasumi! Don't even think about it, I paid a fortune in credits for this thing. Come on in, looks like it'll snow."

Shepard opened the door and lead them into the dining room where everyone was tucking into breakfast.

"This the little one?" James asked as they pulled up chairs. "She looks just like you!"

Fury smiled shyly from behind her mother, taking notice of Kasumi's outfit. She had a hood on, as usual, but she was wearing a purple dress rather than a sneaking suit, revealing her long, pale legs.

"Awe you hiding?" She asked.

"What? Oh! No, I just don't like to show my face."

"Awe you fugly?"

"Fury!"

Kasumi laughed, ignoring Shepard's distress, and quickly explained her profession to Fury, who seemed very interested in the artwork she stole.

Breakfast was a loud affair as everyone caught up with each other, explaining what they'd been up to, discussing inter-galactic policies, and, of course, Yule tide as they wrapped up.

"We should TOTALLY have a snow ball fight, Lola," James suggested, smirking devilishly.

"I still don't know how I feel about you calling my wife 'Lola'," Garrus growled.

"Oh, lighten up Scars," Shepard teased, causing Garrus's mandibles to once again turn blue as everyone laughed at him.

Mordin's omni tool bleeped as received an alert on the house's status.

"Incoming Alliance vessel. Suspect Spectre Alenko."

"Kaidan?"

All heads turned to Miranda at her hopeful whisper.

"NAAAAAAH, must be some other Alliance soldier! No shit, princess!"

"Hey! Leave Miranda alone, Jack!"

"Its ok, Ori, she's just teasing."

Oriana still shot the very smug Jack a warning glare as she helped her sister up to answer the door.

Kaidan looked slightly more rugged than Shepard remembered- perhaps a result of his Spectre status. He now had dark scruff on his face, which also seemed a bit gaunt, and he looked noticeably thinner under his thick, red turtleneck and jeans.

"Hey, sweetheart! I missed you!"

There were lots of 'aww!'s as Kaidan pulled Miranda into a tight hug.

"I missed you, too. Come in here, it's starting to snow!"

'Starting to snow' didn't even begin to describe the absolute blizzard that had erupted around them. Snow was falling in droves all around the house, coating the grounds in white blankets of the crystalline precipitation.

"Speaking of snow, I almost forgot. Hang on a minute."

Shepard and the rest of the guests watched as Zaeed disappeared upstairs and Kaidan walked Miranda over to a chair.

"Kaaaaidan," Shepard sang sweetly, placing a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "How long have we been friends?"

"Gosh," he muttered, "a while I guess."

"So tell me... WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME YOU WERE DATING MIRANDA?!"

Kaidan turned beet red as he stumbled to answer the question. Shepard now had a fistful of his sweater, and was giving him a look that could make a yahg shit its pants.

"Uh..well.. I mean... Well we didn't think it was going to last, Shepard! And you were so busy with the wedding and tabloids and Mercury! There wasn't time to talk about it!"

"Fyuh-wi"

"What?"

Fury was now standing beside Kaidan, wide eyes staring up at the Spectre.

"My name is Fyuh-wi. Muk-awi is too long."

"Oh...sorry. Fury, then."

"Yeah, well while you've been running off playing soldier, Miranda is pregnant with your child!"

"Oh my God! She's pregnant?!"

Kaidan looked at Miranda with pure shock before giving Shepard an annoyed look.

"No, really Shepard? Of course she is, we talked about it. I'm not the love 'em and leave 'em type."

Shepard shrugged off his rebuttal before turning to Zaeed, who had returned with a rather large grey chest.

"Forgot I brought these damned things. Figured us vets could have some fun."

Zaeed knocked off the lid of the chest with his foot, revealing neon colored fake guns of all shapes and sizes.

"No way... Snow guns?"

Garrus moved forward to pick one of the guns up, an orange mock up of a widow, the muzzle widened to shoot snowballs rather than bullets.

"I thought they banned these in Council Space after that kid got nailed in the chest and went into cardiac arrest?"

"Well one," Zaeed grumbled, "that kid had a preexisting condition. Two, I've had these since I was a little brat and three, we'll all be going for headshots anyway I'm sure."

Shepard laughed as she returned a snow-phalanx she had been inspecting back in the box, shutting the lid.

"I'm game!" she said, punching Zaeed in the arm. "I say we wait until everyone gets here. Give the snow some time to pack."

Threats of snow to the face started flying around the table as the doorbell rang. Solana got up, stretching as she made for the door.

"I've got it, Shepard, It's just my parents."

Mazia and Archeas both rushed into the house, shivering from the cold.

"It's a mess out there!" Mazia cried, sweeping snow from her frost-blue dress. "I hope all your friends make it out here ok!"

"They should be okay," Shepard offered in earnest, "I was just about to make some eggnog, do you want to help?"

"Oh I'd love to!" Mazia cooed, ignoring Archeas's agitated stare. "Solana and I found a simply wonderful levo recipe!"

Solana, Shepard and Mazia got to work on the eggnog as everyone settled in on the family room couch.

Just as Shepard began to fill glasses with their creation, Mordin wheeled up to her, voice very low.

"Vessel inbound. Think you should have Fury open door."

"Why would I do that? She's so shy as it is..."

"Trust me Shepard."

Shepard began to argue when the bell rang. Seeing the mischievous glint in the doctor's eye, she realized she had no choice but to trust him.

"Fury, can you get the door?"

"But I don't wanna!"

"Now honey."

"But-"

_"Maintenant!"_

Fury removed herself from the couch where she had been listening to Kasumi explain how a fresco painting was done and the best methods for stealing one.

Fury stumbled for the door and Shepard returned her confused gaze to Mordin.

"Shh, listen. Will see my plan."

Shepard heard the swish of the front door being opened and Fury's scream.

"Fury?! Mommy's coming!"

But there was no need, for at the front door, holding a sobbing Fury was Liara T'soni in all her glory, dressed in a tight black evening dress cut similarly to Shepard's, and black heels. Behind her, Falere looked on awkwardly as more people started to pool into the room to see what all the commotion was about.

"I-missed-you!" Fury gasped in between sobs.

"I missed you too, sweetie."

Fury's birth was a complete surprise to everyone, even Shepard and Garrus. It had turned out for the last 22 weeks of her campaign against the reapers, she had been unknowingly pregnant with a child. Her cybernetics mixed with turian genetics meant Fury's birth came much sooner than a human child. After having been hospitalized after what was deemed 'The Crucible Incident', Shepard gave birth by C-section while completely unconscious. Shepard remained in a coma for the first two months of Fury's life, leaving Liara to take care of her. The bond between the two never weakened, as Liara often visited Fury. The last few months, however, proved busy for Liara, and her visits, which had been almost weekly, became few and far between.

As Liara pulled Fury inside and began to explain why she hadn't been able to see her, Shepard pulled a very upset looking Falere away.

"You gonna be ok?"

Her eyes shifted all around, nervous, refusing to meet Shepard's gaze.

"I just...what if someone doesn't feel comfortable with me around? Or freaks out or-"

"Falere, you are in my house with my friends, some of which you've already met. If anyone gives you trouble, you tell me and they'll have me to answer to, ok?"

Falere smiled slightly reassured.

"Aluna?"

Shepard reentered the family room where everyone had once again settled down. Liara was in the kitchen with Solana and Mazia, Fury holding onto her leg as if she'd disappear if she let go.

"I thought you should know. Falere's mother won't make it until later tonight. Her flight from Lesuss was delayed indefinitely because of the snow."

"Lesuss? What was she doing there?"

Archeas had been speaking with Garrus nearby, but upon hearing Lesuss be mentioned, he made his way over to the kitchen bar.

"Didn't I tell you? The asari government beginning to reassess the treatment of... Well people like Falere. They see her as a case study of their misjudgment of their ability to successfully reintegrate into society. They think now the best way to treat them would be rehabilitation, not exile."

"But I though Falere was the last of her kind?"

"Only the last documented," Liara clarified, "there were still a few out there with the non-lethal variation of the disease. 6 to be exact. But they've all already been fully integrated into society, hiding behind the scenes, fully capable of living normal lives!"

"That's great news!"

"Hold on a minute."

Shepard, Liara, Falere, and Fury all looked up from their task of pouring eggnog to see Archeas's disdainful face.

"You mean to tell me we're in the presence of an Ardat-Yakshi? Are you trying to endanger us all, Shepard?!"

Falere's head drooped, misery flooding her face as tears began to stream down her cheeks. Liara's expression was that of pure rage as she fired up her biotics before-

"STOP IT!"

Fury ran up to Archeas and started pounding on his legs with little balled up fists.

"You've been mean to my mommy and her fwiends, and now Auntie Ara and her giwl-fwiend! Now say sowwie to ebery-one for being so mean!"

Archeas look shocked as he looke around the room, seeing everyone, even his wife waiting for an apology.

"I...I'll be at the hotel if you need me."

They all watched as he stormed out of the house and into the cold, leaving everyone dumbfounded.

"Well forget what I said before, Falere! If anyone gives you crap, they'll have to answer to Fury!"

The group laughed as some of the awkwardness was lifted, returning to their conversations.

"I'm sorry about him Shepard, He'll warm up to this, I'm certain. Just give it time," Mazia sighed.

"I know, I know. He just, isn't a human fan..."

Meanwhile Liara was doing her best to calm her girlfriend down.

"It'll be all right Falere," she soothed, raking her fingers up and down Falere's back in a comforting motion. "Nobody here cares what you are."

"Thanks, Liara," Falere murmured, giving her a small kiss in thank you.

"Shepard? Shepard you in here?"

The new voice came from beside the front door, the guest evidently having let himself in after Archeas let himself out.

"Kolyat? Yeah, come on in, we're all in the family room."

Kolyat Krios walked in, wearing a grey hoodie and toting a large book bag. He was much older now, and more clearly resembled his father. Even his voice was was now an almost perfect match to the deceased assassin.

"Hey Shepard...Thanks for inviting- Aunt Irenah?"

Irenah had walked up to him, placing a hand on his cheek and giving him a loving, motherly look as she whispered:

"You are such an idiot."

And with that she reared back and slapped the hell out of him.

Oh the joys of Christmas time.

**Ok! Next chapter will be the rest of the guests arriving, the snow ball fight of the century, and Shep akwardly explaining Christmas for the aliens. French: 'Look at me' and 'Now!'. Thanks again for the support, your reviews are so inspiring, so keep 'em comin'! **


	5. Snowkrieg

**Heh, heh. Oh what's that? It's March? Hey, I still feel the Xmas spirit! Sorry for the delay (and this insanely short chapter), I had an emergency occur and had to move! But the updates should be coming regularly again. To answer someone's question, no, Falere is not a character I made up, she's Samara's last daughter. You have the option to save/kill her on Lesuss. Also, (shameless plug) if you're a SSBB fan, check out my new fic "In the Dark"! I'd appreciate it. Anywho, on with the snowball fight!**

All the guests sipped awkwardly at their eggnog as Irenah verbally tore into Kolyat, evidently hurt and betrayed.

"How could you just run off like that?! We're you trying to hurt us? And why was I the last to hear you were okay and on the Citadel? Did you even think before you ran off like that?!"

"I didn't mean to-"

"And all to become an assassin! You know how your mother felt about your father's profession! So who were you trying to get back at? Him, or your mother?!"

The room was silent for a moment as Kolyat stared at his feet.

"I was upset, and I was being stupid. I didn't mean to hurt you..."

Irenah sighed and hugged Kolyat. "You are such a dumb little thing, but you're my dumb little thing."

"Gee, love you too."

"You guys still kissing up to each other or can we go shoot some shit now?" Jack interjected from her bar stool.

"Shouldn't we wait for the rest of Shepard's guests?" Irenah asked, releasing her nephew.

"No need. Three remaining guests are waiting at the door."

Mordin wheeled over to the door (Fury jumping behind Liara and Shepard's legs as usual) and opened it to reveal Grunt and Wrex having an argument about asari being able to withstand cold weather due to their skin tone, while a stoic Samara stood by patiently, a quirked eyebrow the only clue that she was even paying attention to their argument.

"Salarian!" Grunt cried, rushing into the house without invitation. "You're smart! Does the asari being blue have anything to do with them withstanding the cold?"

Mordin sighed.

"Asari able to withstand wider range of temperatures than humans, but still susceptable to adverse weather conditions."

He took a deep breath in through his nose. "Real question is, why do you wish to know?"

"You make one comment about being cold and they question the integrity of your entire race."

"Mother!"

Falere rushed past everyone in the kitchen and family room to embrace her mother, who seemed surprised to see her.

"You...did not tell me you would be here as well. I was under the impression only Ms. T'soni was invited."

"Shepard invited me, too. She trusts me..."

Samara smiled at Shepard in a solemn thank you and looked down at the small human-turian hybrid that was clutching her leg.

"Hello little one."

"Hi! I like you!"

Samara chuckled as Fury detatched herself from her leg and attacked the krogan next.

"Hi Mr. Warlord Urdnot-Grunt! Hi Warlord Urdnot-Wrex!"

"Hello squishy human-thing."

"Come on, come on! I wanna blow Zaeed's head off already, let's go!" Jack whined

"Last I heard you already did that after London," Miranda said, smirking.

She got a tattooed middle finger in return.

"What's going on?" Samara asked, eyebrow raising in question yet again.

"Zaeed has some illegal, unlicensed snow guns. Isn't that punishable by death under Justicar law?" Garrus quipped

"Hardly. You wouldn't even lose a few fingers for that."

"Noted," Zaeed grumbled.

"If there's violence to be had, count me in," Wrex growled, smashing his fists together.

"Yeah, I was already gonna sit this one out but now there's no question," Joker grumbled, wincing at the idea of two krogan with illegal guns bowling him over.

"I'll sit out, too," Irenah said in solidarity.

"That's okay! I'll fight for you!"

"Fury," Garrus hummed in a warning tone.

"Come oooooon! I wanna shoot, too! I can do it!"

"Okay, but if you get hurt..."

"I won't!"

Shepard grabbed a fake carnifex from the chest of snow guns and examined it carefully.

"We'll need to separate into teams. Garrus and I will be captains."

"Aww shit, Shep. I thought this would be a free for all," Jack sniffed.

"No way in hell. I don't want a massacre on my hands. Since I'm the first lady of the house, I call dibs on first pick."

Shepard surveyed the room while Garrus pouted over losing first choice.

"Wrex," Shepard snapped, "fall in."

Wrex grinned evilly as he walked behind Shepard.

"Wait! Mommy I want a team! I want a team!" Fury whined.

"Well... Okay. You can have second pick."

"Auntie Ara!"

Liara didn't seem surprised at all as she took her place beside Fury, twirling a fake pistol around her fingers.

"This is too easy. Grunt," Garrus said, smirking as the tank-like krogan joined his team.

With Joker, Irenah, Oriana and Miranda sitting out, that left the teams to five people a team and a captain. Shepard's team, Team Holly, consisted of Wrex, Jack , Kaidan,Solana, and Tali. Team Jolly, led by Garrus, had Grunt, James, Kal, Samara, and Kolyat geared up and ready to go. Last but not least, Team Letskicksomeseriousassordiet rying (Zaeed suggested the name) was made up of Liara, Kasumi, Zaeed, Falere, and Mazia, with Fury at the helm.

"The rules are simple," Zaeed spat as they walked out onto Shepard's cliffside backyard.

"Kill or be killed!"

That was all it took for all hell to break loose.

Zaeed immediately got nailed in the face as Jack unleashed a barrage of snowballs at him. Grunt chucked a snowball so large it resembled a boulder at Falere as she narrowly dodged it.

"Jack my Fwost ya losers!"

Wrex and Kal both ran as Fury sniped at them from her perch in a tree.

"That's daddy's girl!" Garrus cried before getting a mouthful of snow fired at him from Solana, who was her team's primary sniper. This caused Mazia to get distracted, giving Samara the perfect opportunity to strike. Shepard joined into the fray, causing a fight between mothers, Miranda cheering from the sidelines.

"Get ready for some biotics!"

Liara and Falere charged at Kolyat and James, snow hovering above them as a blue storm developed in the middle of the field.

"Spectre incoming!"

Tali, Kal and Kaidan found themselves locked in a battle of supremacy, Kaidan flinging Tali into the air to fire down upon her soon to be husband.

"Now you see me..."

The competitors all scanned the field for the missing theif before...

"Haha!"

All of Team Holly except for Aluna was out on their butts and blinded as flash bangs went off.

"That's cheating!"

"No, this is cheating!"

Garrus, who had snuck up behind Aluna, grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a kiss.

Before smashing a giant handful of snow into her face.

"You ass!"

One second Garrus was right beside Aluna, and the next he was on the ground at her feet.

"Honey?"

The field was silent as Archeas Vakarian had reappeared, snow rifle in hand.

"I... Know I was being rude earlier on. For that I apologize... It's not normal for me to see such a gathering of people... I was hoping we could try again?"

The field remained quiet as Shepard turned to Falere to see what she thought of his return. Falere barely had time to nod her head in assent before-

"Gwandpa Arkas is on my team!"

"Let's kick some ass!"

"Jack!"

"Whatever princess!"

For another hour the 'Bekenstein Blitz' raged on, taking victims at mach speed. Before long, it became dark outside, and Shepard called an end to the madness.

"Ok, so here's what we got!" Joker called as the teams gathered.

"In third place with 193 headshots, 146 body shots, and 34 illegal uses of biotics is Team...Jolly!"

"Ha, eat it Garrus!"

"Oh I intend to, Shepard."

"Can it with the love talk and let's get on with it!" Zaeed shouted.

"Runners up with 102 headshots, 247 body shots and 91 illegal uses of biotics is... Team Holly!"

"WHAT?!"

"Which means first place with 204 head shots, 217 body shots and 463 illegal uses of biotics is Team Letskicksomeseriousassordiet rying!"

"OH YEAH! I won I won I won!"

Fury ran in circles around her parents as they looked down at her proudly.

"Not bad for a punk like you, I'm actually impressed, Tango!" James chuckled.

"Tango?"Shepard asked, eyebrow arched in question.

"Yeah, your kid's like a dancer out on the field, Lola."

"That's great and all, but can we go inside? 'Yo tango' freezin' my ass off!" Jack whined.

High fives were exchanged as everyone filed back into the house, still abuzz with the results of the game.

"Hey Aluna" Garrus muttered as the guests settled back into the living room. "Now's probably a good time to discuss that whole Christmas thing, don't you think?"

"But I suck at explaining things!" Shepard whined.

"Too bad, all eyes are on you."

And he was quite right, as all the adults in the household were staring expectantly at her.

"Well crud."


	6. Hatching a Holly Jolly Plot

**Christmas in July, anyone? I'm really sorry this hasn't been updated much, not to mention how short this chapter is. Since moving I've had to start life all over. But, I know you guys like the story, and I didn't want to disappoint. Thank you again for all the Follows and Favorites! It's overwhelming!**

"Fury, love, why don't you let the adults talk until dinner?" Aluna cooed.

"But Moooooooom!"

"Now, _sucre_."

Fury stomped upstairs to her room, looking agitated.

"Shepard! I have a surprise for you!"

Shepard removed herself from the base of the staircase where she had been making absolute certain that Fury actually went to her room.

"What's up Liara?"

"I got you a little early Christmas gift! I booked Galactic Breath to come over on Christmas Eve and perform all day!"

"What?!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jack interjected, "Who?".

"Galactic Breath. Specialize in all sorts of intergalactic music. Holidays included" Mordin explained.

"Aww, thanks Liara, I guess that makes a good lead in for what I wanted to discuss. A lot of you aren't exactly familiar with Christmas, so I guess I should explain..."

Everyone took a seat and waited anxiously to hear just what they were celebrating.

"Well it's a bit confusing, but here goes nothing!"

"So you're telling me that some fat guy in a red suit comes down an ashy pipe attached to the roof to give small, unsuspecting children gifts of their choosing? Is that legal?"

Shepard slammed a hand into her face for the third time in a half hour. Explaining Christmas to her alien guests turned out to be more difficult than defeating the Reapers. She had plenty of backup, as Liara, Garrus, Tali and the rest of her human companions knew and understood Christmas, but they seemed to be enjoying watching her suffer, and did nothing to return her pleading looks.

"Okay, let me try again. There's this guy, named Santa, who has seven magic reindeer and rides in a sleigh-"

"What the fuck is a reindeer?"

Zaeed smirked, waiting for Aluna to answer Wrex, who was sitting beside him.

"Uhh... It's kinda like a brown, tall, varren? Sorta? Anyway, they fly

Santa-"

"Woah, flying varren? In what galaxy?!"

"No, no Kal! It's just a-"

"And what is a sleigh?"

"And why is his suit red? Is he Blood Pack? I mean, he's got flying varren..."

Shepard pounded her head into the desk as Samara asked one final question.

"Shepard, on my time aboard the Normandy, you did not explain this custom. You simply bought gifts for everyone on board the Normandy. Do the two have any relation?"

"YES!"

Shepard jumped up from her seat at the table.

"Christmas is a time to give- give to the ones you love, give to the needy- just give and be selfless. The story that goes along with it is just for little kids and to add a spirit of fun and whimsy. Its not meant to be taken seriously, but some of it is true."

The aliens nodded their understanding as Mazia asked "Shepard, won't you try to explain it again? One last time?"

Shepard took in a deep breath, surveying her audience, and suddenly a bell went off in her head.

"Okay, so there's this really old guy named Santa Claus, older than even the Asari Matriarchs. He swore an oath, almost like that of a justicar, to spend the rest of eternity bringing smiles to small children all over Earth by bringing them gifts on the 25th of December- that is said to be the birthday of our Lord Jesus Christ. He's kinda like a Spirit or Enkindler or Goddess- only he's a guy and there's only one of him. So he lives in a barren land almost like the surface of Tuchanka, only super cold, so that no one can try to find him. He lives with his wife and millions of little helpers called elves. They're like Salarians crossed with pyjaks, but smaller and more aggravating. For all of the year they work together to make toys for all the children of Earth. There's a catch though- all the kids of the world write him letters telling him what they want for Christmas, but if they've been bad for the year they get nothing but coal. Santa knows if the kids have been bad or good because he sees everything- kinda like a good but creepier version of The Illusive Man. Anyway, for the kids who've been good, he loads up all the presents into a big red bag and puts it in his sleigh- which is like a big red skycar. Then he flies all over the Earth and delivers the presents by going through people's chimneys and dropping them under decorated trees and in stockings. Okay, did any of that make sense?"

The room was silent for a moment.

"Um, no, but we get it. So what actually happens?"

"In reality, parents buy each other, their kids, and their friends gifts. As they grow up kids either figure out or are told Santa isn't real. It's a bit sad for them at first, but they get over it. Fury still believes in Santa, so PLEASE don't tell her otherwise, okay?"

A look of guilt flashed across Archeas's face.

"Fine," Kolyat agreed, "But that doesn't explain the decorations?"

"Yuletide is meant to be celebrated and felt for pretty much all of December. So people string up lights and candy canes and holly- it's just tradition. Even I'm not sure how it got started."

"Ooh! Ooh, Shepard! Explain the mistletoe! That's my favorite!"

Shepard rolled her eyes at Solana, but obliged.

"Mistletoe is a very special decoration meant to be hung from the ceiling or on door frames. If you get caught standing under one with someone else, you have to kiss."

Lots of faces of disgust or smirks were had as ideas hatched in people's minds.

"Ok, everyone got it? Can I get the kid, because I'm sure being separated from her favorite Aunt is upsetting her."

There were nods across the room as Aluna returned to the base of the staircase to call for Fury. When she arrived her hair, arms, and face were all covered in a menagerie of colors.

_"Bon Dieu_, Fury, what have you been doing?"

"Painting!" Was the quick answer. She then bounced over to Liara and took a seat on her lap.

"I'll get her cleaned up Shepard, you deserve a break for your efforts today."

Liara ushered Fury to the kitchen sink as Shepard face palmed once again.

"I swear this day is never ending."

After dinner was done, the dishes cleaned, and most of the guests were in their respective hotels or beds, only Shepard, Garrus, Miranda, and Kaidan remained, talking quietly about the past few years over eggnog (which had a suspiciously high amount of alcohol in it).

"Hey," Shepard said, suddenly breaking up the laughter of a joke from the preceding conversation, "I've got an idea- a crazy idea- but I'm gonna need help to pull it off. I'm sure you of all people, Miranda, would love to get in on it."

"And exactly why would that be Shepard? You know I'm one for rules and regulations, unlike you, and the last time you persuaded me to do something crazy we nearly caused an interspecies crisis."

"Hey, you KNOW that was totally worth it! That hanar never saw it coming! And you were laughing too!"

Miranda rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide the slight smirk on her face as she remembered the incident.

"Is this something I should know about?" Kaidan asked pointedly.

"No, love. It was nothing. Just some of Shepard's ridiculousness while we were on shore leave."

"Anyway," Shepard interjected, "This one involves a certain Subject Zero."

"Okay, now I'm listening," Miranda said, straightening up from her position leaning on Kaidan.

"I can't help but notice how close she and Zaeed have been getting..."

"Oh please," Garrus snorted, "They've been giving each other looks since we took down the collectors. It's about time they hook up and call it a day."

"Can't lie," Miranda mused, "they'd make a cute couple those two- A weird, twisted, psychotic, murderous couple- but still cute."

"My thoughts exactly. And you're gonna help me get them together."

"And how do you propose we do that? Write letters that say 'do you love Jack, check yes or no?'."

"Oh please, Miranda, you suck the fun out of everything. We're gonna use Christmas magic to make it happen while everyone is helping decorate tomorrow."

For the next hour they developed their plan, the boys rolling their eyes and swearing it wouldn't work. But if there was anything they learned while on board the Normandy, it was that when Shepard wanted something done-

It got done.

**French: Sugar and good God. Thanks again for reading and PLEASE REVIEW! They make me smile ^.^**


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